To Fume or Not to Fume

Today is not one of the best days of my life.  I’m really upset and angry with someone close to my heart.  I am hurt and this feeling runs deep in my chest.  A lot of things are running in my mind and these thoughts are driving me mad even more.  Doubts, fear and hypothetical assumptions plays constantly and it feeds my emotions in a negative way.  While all these things randomly play in my brain, I saw this big chimney on my way from the West end of the City.  This mimics my fuming anger with this person.  An exact representation of what I feel right now.

Having disagreements with someone is a common thing.  Everybody has conflict with another person at some point in time and the intensity of emotions run even higher when it is with someone who is important to us.  When do we get mad?  Why do we get upset? Is it because we did not get our way? Maybe, but this is very childish don't you think?  It is quite unfair to classify all conflicts in this manner.  I believe that conflicts happen when our expectations does not jive with reality.  We are expecting something and it did not come to pass or it falls short of what we anticipate.

Is it really a bad thing to be angry?  Is it not an emotion that we all have?  Having to feel anger, frustrations, jealousy, and insecurity are but normal.  These are emotions that make us distinct from robots.  Not even in our most modern technology can program emotions.  To some degree, they may be able to make robots to display some form of emotions but it is not close to reality.  Having to feel anger and pain is to be human, to be a normal human being, that is.  People with mental disabilities may not be able to display their emotions properly for their brain is not aligned with reality.    They can get angry when they don't have to and they wont react when they have to.  Being angry is normal but is it okay to fume or not to fume?

Someone defined gentleness as power under control.  When you have that power to destroy someone but you hold back your anger, that is gentleness.  Fume is a smoke that smells unpleasant and it is a figure of speech that refers to a state of irritation or anger that sometimes impair one’s reasoning.  Cartoonists would display fume as a smoke coming out of the nostrils in anger.  Is it not better to fume to release the excessive pressure in one’s chest?  Keeping this unwanted build up in one’s heart is detrimental to the person’s health, which may lead to heart attack. However, if this unreasonable anger is displayed to the person involved it may cause further strain in the relationship or it may further escalate the issue.  The person affected may be able to release the pressure in his/her chest but he/she will just pass it on to another.

So, to fume or not to fume?  Let each one of us decide for oneself.  Be not be judgmental. Be reasonable. Be logical.  After all, we are angry because our expectations are not met.  Worse, we got mad the most to the people close to us because we think that they will understand and they will forgive. We capitalize on the level of our relationship with that person but is it not so unfair? Can we fume not in front of other people? Maybe! But before we further feed this negative emotion, is it not better to clarify it first with the person involved?  Maybe our expectations are skewed or unrealistic and our worries are unfounded.  So before we waste our energy in building up that fume, its better to find out the truth first.  Maybe…just maybe, we are wrong.